The Heels Who Caused The Recession?

There are many theories about what caused the current recession. Some feel it had to do with sneaky mortgages. Others believe it was the result of greedy Wall Street. And there are those who always look for somebody to blame who believe our financial problems are the result of the Republicans, the Democrats, aliens from outer space, or some secret society that meets every Thursday at the Holiday Inn. All of these people should just look down at their feet. That's right. I'm suggesting it's possible that shoes caused the whole financial downturn.

In recent months, many consumers have not been making purchases unless they think the items are absolutely necessary. This has been the case across the board -- except when it comes to shoes. All kinds of shoes have been selling very well in the last few months while the rest of the economy continues to struggle.

People almost always buy shoes for themselves. I don't know about you, but I don't think I've ever gotten shoes as a gift. You never hear the slogan, "Say it with shoes." So some people buy shoes for themselves as a treat. The thinking goes like this: "We can't afford a new car or to renovate the kitchen, so I'll buy myself a nice pair of shoes." If people are feeling low because of their low bank accounts, I guess they feel that shoes will lift their spirits...as well as their arches.

I worry that with some of the wealthier consumers, there might be a "let them eat cake" philosophy. Perhaps there are people who think things like, "I don't get why those people who lost their houses are so upset. Why don't they just go out and buy some new boots?"

Jennifer Black of the research company Jennifer Black and Associates says, "It's just fun to shop for shoes. Maybe part of the fun is you don't feel fat." I've never had fun shopping for anything, but I guess some people do. I understand what Ms. Black is saying: Buying shoes is not as tortuous as shopping for a bathing suit or jeans that you can only put on if a pulley is involved.

Another group of people feel that a new pair of shoes is simply more of a necessity than a new purse or a new tie. Still others buy shoes they feel they need for an inexpensive vacation. Instead of going to a fancy resort, some people are taking advantage of free outdoor activities -- activities in which they wear new outdoorsy shoes.

All of these reasons help explain why shoes are selling so well these days. Congress didn't have to pass a stimulus bill for flip-flops. Shoe sales were $1.5 billion for October, which is the best October shoes have had since 2006.

Because of all of these reasons, I'm suspicious of the shoe industry. For every analyst who's trying to explain why shoes are selling right now, I'm sure the shoe companies have at least one or two analysts of their own. So they would've known ahead of time that during a recession, people would still buy shoes. They would have known that since consumers won't be buying many other things, people might buy more shoes than they'd purchase during good economic times. So a recession might actually help shoe companies.

That's why I'm suggesting that the shoe industry may have caused the recession. Call it the Cobblers' Cabal. Isn't it just possible that those who are able to convince people to buy incredibly uncomfortable shoes are smart enough to bring about a recession? Countless people who don't even run to catch a bus buy expensive running shoes. This is the business that, through brilliant marketing, has millions of people walking around in fur-lined boots in the middle of summer.

To you doubters, let me remind you that during the disco era, people actually bought platform shoes with a see-through heel that contained live goldfish swimming around. If the shoe geniuses can convince the American public to wear little aquariums on their feet, surely they could bring about something as simple as a recession. I'm telling you, there's no business like shoe business.

Smart Dogs

Just about everybody thinks their dog is very intelligent. I never felt that way about any of the dogs I have had. I found the dogs were lovable, cute, loyal, cuddly, and great company, but I never thought of them as that smart. I used to tell people that I never met a dog who could beat me at chess.

On the other hand, I had to admit that dogs did seem smarter than people in some ways: a dog would never bomb a country killing hundreds of thousands of people. A dog would never accidentally send out an e-mail to his boss, bad mouthing the boss. And a dog would never tell a woman that she "looks thinner in the other dress."

The New York Times recently reported that Stanley Coren, a psychology professor at the University of British Columbia has done some interesting work with dogs and intelligence. He found that dogs can do pretty well on language learning and other tests devised for infants and toddlers. He went so far as to say that the average dog is about as intellectually advanced as a 2-to 21/2 year old child. That's where I feel he went too far.

A dog as smart as a toddler? Show me a dog who is smart enough to always spit up on his mother's outfit right before she's supposed to go out.

But all of this discussion of who's smarter, a dog or a human isn't looking at things right. I was guilty of the same thing until recently. Perhaps like most people, I was thinking of dogs' intelligence as the same kind of intelligence that humans have. It's like people who feel that if there is life on other planets, those beings will have the same kind of thoughts and feelings that we have. Dogs don't need to be smart the same way we are in order to be smart.

Service dogs have been demonstrating this more and more. Not only can they smell drugs in a suitcase -- or that salami you thought you'd be able to sneak in, but they help all kinds of people with various medical needs. We're all used to seeing dogs helping the blind. Lately, dogs have been paired with soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan with posttraumatic stress disorder. Somehow, the dogs seem to know how to calm down these veterans when the vets need it most. Some small studies have even indicated that because of their good sniffers, dogs have been able to sniff out lung and other cancers before doctors can detect them.

Dogs also work with epileptics. They become anxious before their human buddy has a seizure. Then they bark and lick his or her face and arm. Nobody knows how a dog could know this in advance. Perhaps it's a kind of intelligence we just don't have.

Rather than just appreciating what wonderful minds dogs have, I fear that there will always be some people who compare their intelligence with ours. I used to be the same way, like when I'd say my wise guy line about dogs not being able to play chess. So I believe there will always be people who will mock their intelligence by saying that "obviously humans are smarter than dogs in every way." To them, I'd just like to present an image that most of us see every day. An owner and a dog are walking down the street. The dog does, well, what comes naturally, while the owner cleans it up. Which one is the smarter one?