Couldn't Give It Away

Suppose you're driving along and you happen to be behind an armored car. Suddenly, the back door of that armored car flies open, a bag of money hits the street, splits open, and cash starts flying all over the place. Would you slam on your brakes, get out of your car in the midst of traffic, run over to the bag, stuff as much money in your pockets as possible, run back to your car, get out of there as fast as you can, and think they're was nothing wrong with what you just did? I didn’t think you’d do something like that. Neither would I, but that's exactly what several people did recently when this actually happened in a suburb of Columbus, Ohio.

The first thing I thought about when I heard the story was how could the back door of an armored car fly open allowing a bag of money to fall to the street? I've been driving for a long time, and I've never had any money fly out of my car, and I don't even drive a special vehicle whose sole purpose is to safely drive money around.

The other thing, of course, was the behavior of the people who grabbed the money. $100,000 is still missing. ($100,000? I guess that was a pretty big bag). Maybe they rationalized that they were taking the money from a big, unfeeling, faceless bank or corporation, not from “regular people.” But that money that was bouncing around in the armored car probably belong to "regular people." It could have been your money going to or from a bank.

Maybe another rationalization was that obviously, the money was insured, so "nobody got hurt." Your house is probably insured. If you were robbed, would you think that "nobody got hurt?"

Call me a Pollyanna, but I generally feel that people are good, honest, and responsible. That's why I was so disappointed to learn the way so many people acted. I worried that maybe I’d been wrong all these years about my positive views of my fellow men and women. It shook up my entire perception of the world. If people are willing to run out of their cars in the middle of traffic to grab money that’s not theirs, who knows what else they’re capable of doing? Maybe some people actually do things like cheat on their income taxes, take drugs so they can play sports better, or take their neighbor’s newspaper early in the morning to check last night’s sports scores.

So I decided to conduct an experiment. I would walk up to people with money in my hand, and ask them if it was theirs. I started with quarters and I would usually be near a store's cash register to make my scenario believable. "I think you might have dropped this," was my line. But every person I approached that way said to me, "No, that's not mine."

I even went to a video arcade where quarters are like gold. There were two kids in there who were either doing research for a paper on video games or were ditching school. The one whose jeans were around his knees actually dropped a quarter as I walked in. After he picked that up, I presented him with one of my quarters and said, "I think you dropped this one, too." The kid declined the quarter, saying it wasn't his. (He actually said, “Not mine, dude).”

I decided to up the ante. I was walking in a crowded shopping mall with my hands in my pockets and purposely "dropped" a $20 bill to the floor and continued to walk. I was practically tackled by two people, coming from opposite directions, telling me that I dropped the twenty. They also admonished me, saying I should be more careful with my money.

As I put the $20 bill back in my pockets, I smiled. People really are good. Then how do I explain the actions of those who stuffed their pockets and fled? There are plenty of plausible explanations. For example, maybe that's the one street in America where people don't act properly. Maybe they plan to give the money to charity. Maybe they thought it was play money. The important thing is that I proved that people really are trustworthy.

By the way, if you see me walking around, don't bother following me, hoping that I'll purposely be dropping money on the ground. My experiment's over. It was a one-time thing. I have faith in people, but I'm not going to push my luck.

Tweaking The Health Care Bill

We all know that getting the Health Care Bill passed by the House of Representatives was not easy. However, it was a good civics lesson for children. They learned that if the minority is unhappy with what the majority decides, those who support the minority call the people in the majority offensive names and spit at them. Some make threatening phone calls.

This spitting might be the oddest reaction. As we learned during the swine flu panic, we should always cover our mouths when sneezing or coughing. Certainly, spitting directly at someone can be equally unsanitary. And to do it when the conversation involves health undermines the spitter's political position.

Some people feel the Health Bill went too far, and others feel it didn't go far enough. Therefore, it seems appropriate for me to discuss some of the things it does and does not cover as well as some of the ramifications of the bill.

Millions of parents were probably thrilled to learn that from now on, their children will be allowed to be covered by the family's insurance plan until the kids are 26. As Speaker Nancy Pelosi said, because of this bill, college graduates would be able to pursue their dreams instead of worrying about getting their own health insurance right away. They won't have to find jobs they have no interest in just to get health insurance. On the other hand, some parents might be less than thrilled about their kids not having to find jobs for a few more years.

The new bill will insure 32 million Americans who don't have insurance now. This might be the most significant and positive part of the Health Care bill. And to each of you who was opposed to insuring these people: "No, all 32 million people will not be in your doctor's waiting room at the same time, fighting over that three-year-old copy of "People."

Let's talk about a few important things the Health Care Bill doesn't cover. Currently, if you're five minutes late for a doctor's appointment, he or she gets angry with you. But if the doctor makes you wait for an hour, you don't even get an apology. I hope the Senate will be wise enough to address this in a Being Late In A Doctor's Office Bill. Here's my suggestion to them: If you're more than 15 minutes late for your appointment, you pay double. If the doctor's more than 15 minutes late, your visit is free. I guarantee this problem will go away.

Funds should be set aside for some necessary research. For example, it's about time medical science figured out why we get the sickest on weekends when our doctors aren't in their offices. And you know that pain that is so bad that we insist on seeing the doctor right away? Well, someone should discover why it disappears right when we walk into the doctor's office. And don't you think they can come up with something better than the paper we have to lie down on when we're being examined? Doctors used that same kind of paper when they used to bleed people.

What about those gowns? Put this arm in this hole, don't put that arm in that hole, wrap it around you, then tie it in the back. What are we, escape artists? I'm sure medical researchers can come up with a better robe. After all, these are the same people who found a solution for "restless leg syndrome."

One of the most frustrating things about being a patient is getting conflicting opinions from different doctors. I understand that sometimes professionals have different views about things, but there should be some consensus on the questions that trouble us the most. Let's invest some of that Health Care money to get a definitive answer to one of the oldest and most important questions in Health Care: Heat or ice?