Lloyd Garver

Recently, actor-director, Kevin Smith was removed from his seat on a plane and forced to leave. The reason: he was too fat, or as the airlines say, "He was a person of size." Smith, who starred as Silent Bob in a couple of movies, had purchased tickets for two seats because of his girth. But then he decided to stand by for an earlier flight. There was only one seat available on that flight, he sat in it, then was forced to leave. Now before you start sending irate emails to me, let me say something: I recognize that obesity is a big problem in America, and I understand that there may be times when someone is big enough to squish the person next to him. But this guy tried to play by the rules, and bought two seats. If there had been two vacant seats on the next plane, he would have bought them. And he was already seated! Was his physique really such an inconvenience for other passengers or such a danger to the flight that he should have been removed from the plane? Being overweight might be bad for you, but he wasn't a criminal. Eating second helpings is not a felony.

I understand the reasons for the airlines' rule. Nobody wants someone else infringing upon their space, and there's hardly any room on airplane seats if the one next to you is empty. But people other than those "of size" can cause just as much discomfort and annoyance to the person next to them, but nobody's kicking them off the plane. How about someone sitting next to you who hasn't had a bath since the Clinton administration? Or what if you get "a talker" next to you? He's some guy who buckles up and then says something like, "Let me tell you about myself. A lot of people don't realize what an interesting field recycling bowling balls is. …." Then there's "the laugher." She watches a movie on her computer while you're trying to sleep, and every time you doze off, she laughs out loud. Her laugh is slightly more annoying than the sound of broken chalk on a blackboard.Nobody wants to sit next to a drunk who spills half his drink on your new pair of pants. Then there's the guy who's taken a sleeping pill right when the plane takes off. He falls into a deep sleep with his head flopping onto your shoulder in a creepy way. The drooling doesn't help. As much as we all love children, do you really want to sit next to a kid who keeps banging his toy hammer on the armrest for five hours?

Besides the "squish factor," the other reason airlines say they are reluctant to have a heavy person onboard is because in an emergency, he or she might prevent "a timely exit from the aircraft." If you ask me, if you have to exit a plane because of an emergency, your least problem is that the person next to you likes to have ice cream after his pasta.

Besides, who decides if a passenger is "too fat?" Is it okay to be 10 pounds overweight? How about 25? 50? Do they draw the line at 100? 1081/2? Obviously, it's a subjective call. Well, kicking someone off the plane who has made an effort to abide by the airline's rules is a subjective call, too. And they blew it. They should have thrown a little common sense into the mix. An allowance should have been made for his having bought two seats, and there should have been some understanding of the inconvenience and embarrassment of being kicked off the plane after being seated. Again, I'm not saying that I'd love to be next to someone who takes up a good portion of my seat, too. I'm just saying they shouldn't have made such a big deal about someone being big.

Now it would be easy for me to argue snidely that they kicked this guy off a plane, but they let a guy on who had a bomb in his underpants. So, I won't say that. But it is a bit weird for the airlines to be so vigilant in profiling people with big profiles.

LISTEN TO LLOYD VIA ITUNES

DUE TO PROBLEMS WITH A COMPUTER USER, NO AUDIO TODAY

You probably know that when Sarah Palin spoke at a recent Tea Party gathering, she had some "crib notes" written on the palm of her hand. Apparently, the words were "Energy," "Tax Cuts," and "Lift American Spirit." Unfortunately for the former governor, she peeked at her helping hand right after she criticized the President for using a teleprompter. Not surprisingly, some Democrats jumped on "palmgate' almost immediately, and some Republicans leapt to Palin's defense. I'm not particularly interested in weighing in on whether her writing on her hand was good or bad. What strikes me – and probably everyone else – is that it’s something that it brings to mind school days. This got me thinking. Maybe politicians will follow Palin's lead and revert to the behavior and words of kids.

One of the people who spoke in Sarah Palin's defense was former Miss America Kirsten Haglund – or as she would be referred to in school, "the pretty, popular girl."

Maybe soon we'll hear Nancy Pelosi exclaim after somebody criticizes her: "I'm rubber, you're glue. Everything you say about me bounces off me and sticks to you."

I think it would be fun to watch an exchange like this between Rod Blagojevich and the prosecutor at his trial:

Blago: Am not.

Prosecutor: Are too.

Blago: Am not.

Prosecutor: Are too.

Maybe Defense Secretary Gates will be criticized by someone who will say, "Oh yeah? You and what army."

Maybe after the President urges Republicans to embrace the spirit of bipartisanship, Minority Leader Mitch McConnel will respond, "You can't make me. You're not the boss of me."

When the chair of a Senate committee asks a witness, "Where's that report you promised us?" Then the witness might respond, "Uh, my dog ate it."

While the President is going over his notes for a big speech over breakfast, I can just hear Michelle saying, "You know the rules. No reading at the table."

At a state dinner where some exotic food is being served, the Secretary General of the United Nations is told, "Come on. Just eat half of it." He responds in earshot of everyone, "No. It’s yucky. It'll make me barf. Now let's talk about nuclear proliferation."

The wife of the head of the CIA: "Well, I wouldn't be so suspicious if you weren't so secretive."

An unimpressed mother: "Surgeon General, big deal. Now, if you were a general surgeon…"

And then there’s the one you really don’t want to hear: “Come on, kids. I’ve told you a million times: Don’t hide my “football” with all the nuclear war codes.I’ll let you stay up an extra hour if you tell me where it is. Give me a hint. Is it in the dishwasher again? Am I getting warm?”

What Would Lloyd Say?

Fly The Skinny Skies

Sarah's Schoolyard

Lloyd Garver

Podcast

mailing list

archive

Rush Limbaugh?!

some favorites