Iraq To U.S.: "'Bye."

In our daily lives, we all have to know when it's time to go home. Now, the Prime Minister of Iraq has insisted that any security agreement between the United States and Iraq include a timetable for withdrawal of U.S. troops. For years, our Administration has been telling us that we are fighting for a democratic government in Iraq. Now that government has asked us to leave. I don't think we should overstay our welcome, do you?

There are probably different reactions to this "demand" from Iraq. Some people might characterize it as "ungrateful." After all, our soldiers have been fighting and dying there, and now the Iraqis are saying we have to tell them when we're going to leave? Other people will see this as confirming their suspicions all along that we were never all that popular among the Iraqis. Let's remember that the Bush administration thought that our soldiers would be greeted by Iraqis throwing flowers at them. That's not exactly what some Iraqis have been throwing at our soldiers.

Either way, you'd think the Bush administration would say, "Okay, if you don't want us to stay, we're out of here." But that hasn't been the response. An administration spokesman responded with a bunch of words surrounded by clouds that basically said, "We'll leave when we think they're ready for us to leave." Of course, they already said that they're ready for us to leave.

John McCain's reaction was that they don't really want us to leave, but Prime Minister Maliki had to say what he said for political reasons. The Prime Minister and other officials responded to that by saying, "No, we really meant it." Even if they did say these things for the political reason that so many Iraqis want us to leave, isn't that a good enough reason for us to go? The supposed democratic society that we have been fighting for just told us to close the door on the way out.

Sometimes, getting people to leave isn't easy. We've all had guests at our houses who stayed longer than we wanted them to stay. And we hinted that they should go. You know what I'm talking about. We yawn loudly. We mention how early we have to get up the next day. But sometimes they just don't get the hint. Right when you think they're going to say" goodnight" and head for the door, they pour themselves another drink or ask for a cup of coffee.

Sometimes you just come out and say, "This has really been a great evening." And yet, some people still won't get the hint. The worst is when you don't have a united front. That's when you're allies -- your spouse or your kids -- start telling a long story just as you're carrying the dirty dishes to the kitchen.

There are times when you actually have to leave your own party to get your guests to go home. That's when you might say something like, "I really have to go up to bed, but please stay and continue having fun." Then you head upstairs, assuming that they will realize that the "fun" for the evening is over. Sometimes they do, but sometimes they don't. Then you resort to desperate measures -- like putting on your pajamas or turning off all the lights.

It's time for the United States to take the hint. Why should we continue to have soldiers risk their lives in a place that doesn't want them there? Iraq just yawned, carried the dishes to the kitchen, and turned off the lights. It's time for us to go home.

Don't Read This While You Drive

As of July 1, California joined Washington, Utah, New York, Connecticut, New Jersey, and the District of Columbia in banning something while driving. Unfortunately, it's not a ban against condescendingly asking your spouse, "Why are you in this lane?" No, people in these places are prohibited from talking on hand-held phones while driving. I'm sure other states will follow soon, just as I'm sure cell phone makers and users will find ways around this law.

There's already a ridiculous loophole built into the California law. For some bizarre reason, people are prohibited from talking on their cells while driving, but they're not prohibited from dialing while driving. I don't know about you, but I have to take my eyes off the road to dial, not necessarily to speak. I'd like to see an amendment to this, and hope that someday soon people will be pulled over for DWD's – Driving While Dialing.

Here's another one for you. There's nothing in the California law that specifically prohibits people from sending text messages while driving. Punching all those keys to text someone while cruising on the highway isn't dangerous at all, is it?

I don't know if precise statistics are kept for what percentage of drivers sometimes use their handheld cell phones while at the wheel. However, I can say that my personal survey indicates that in the past, approximately 99% of those people making left turns in front of me who didn't pull far enough ahead held the wheel in one hand and their phone in the other.

As with any law, there are bound to be people who will oppose this new one. Some will claim that it's an infringement on their personal freedom. Obviously, the Founding Fathers intended that every American have the right to use a handheld cell phone while driving.

My major worry about the new law is that it will encourage more and more people to buy those bluetooth phones that clip onto the ear or some other body part. You know who I'm talking about. People who have these things walk around and look right at you while they're talking to somebody else. At least three times a day, I think they're talking to me instead of their lover, stockbroker, or therapist. With the new rule, I'm even more likely to be in an elevator with someone I've never seen before, and have that person look right at me and say, "Life's too short to do business with a person like you."

Some people are used to holding their cell phones up to their ears, and they're going to be upset because they feel that what they have to say on their cells is always important. It can't possibly wait until they finish driving. Who are they kidding? Most of the things I overhear people say on their cells –- and you can't help but overhear this stuff – are things like, "What's for dinner?" or "Nothing new with me," or "Did I get any calls?" And then there's the classic that those people on a plane say immediately after it lands. They just can't wait until they get off the plane before making their important call that states, "I'll call you from baggage."

I have a little speaker/microphone thing that clips onto the visor in my car. Will this make me a safer driver than holding up my cell phone to my ear and talking directly into it? I hope so, but I'm not sure. Some studies have indicated that talking on hands-free phones is really no safer than talking on phones held up to the ear. We're still distracted by the act of talking on the phone.

Similarly, accidents are caused by people who eat while they drive, put makeup on while they drive, or -- my personal favorite to see on the highway – people who read the newspaper while driving. I've even seen people working on the crossword puzzle while they drive. (What's a five-letter word for someone who does this? Oh, that's right. "Idiot"). So, I'm not bothered by those behind these laws who favor hands-free phoning. I'm much more worried about those who like to practice hands-free driving.