Republicans Say Women Are Great

If you happened to turn on the Republican convention the other night in the middle of Ann Romney's speech, you might've been surprised to hear what sounded like the wife of the Republican Presidential candidate coming out of the closet. She screamed," I love you women!" And the crowd of presumably conservative Republicans applauded! You may have concluded that the Republican Party has come a long way towards tolerance and respect for all women.

Of course, that was not the case. Her speech, an effort to court women voters, seemed like something from the "Leave It To Beaver" era. She was clearly alluding to the "wife who stays at home with the children, the husband who goes to work and is not very involved with the kids" kind of family. She told us that it's the mothers who hold the family – and the country – together. "It's the moms who always have to work a little harder, to make everything right."

What about the dads? Nobody at the convention seemed to care about fathers not being viewed as particularly necessary. To them, the important thing was to get the message out that Republicans think that women are just great.

It didn't matter to the people there that she didn't talk much about working mothers, or specifically about families in which the husband stays home and the wife goes to work. No, her comments were about what I'm sure many conservatives embrace as the "traditional" roles of men and women. Perhaps that was an accurate reflection of American families – in 1957.

This attitude is quite consistent with the Republican platform and positions on gender issues. Republicans can be against things like paying for birth control for women and legislation that would ensure equal pay in the workplace because those positions come from values from that bygone era that they want to revert to.

The convention may have avoided tropical storm Isaac, but the storm that they can't get away from is the one caused by Missouri Congressman Todd Akin. When he talked about "legitimate rape" and a woman being able to avoid getting pregnant just by "shutting down" if she wants to, even most conservative Republicans thought he went too far.

The goofy concept that women can just will themselves to avoid pregnancy is a pretty appealing theory. Not only would this render abortions unnecessary, but women wouldn't need to use birth control, either. They could just let their bodies decide if they want to get pregnant or not. And if this works for pregnancy, what about the common cold? If women just concentrated a little harder, you'd never see them sniffle again.

Akin was pressured into an apology, and he gave one. Sort of. He said, "The mistake I made was in the words I said, not in the heart I hold." I wonder what the proper words would have been for "legitimate rape" and a woman's body "shutting down" to avoid pregnancy.

I guess it was the wording, not his sentiments that outraged so many Republicans, because a great number of his Republican brothers and sisters share his opinions. The Vice Presidential nominee, Paul Ryan and many Republicans agree with Akin that rape does not justify abortion. They are entitled to this opinion. However, I don't understand why they think it's okay to get the government involved in making their opinion the law.

Because of the reaction to Akin and to Mitt Romney's low polling numbers among women, there has been a great effort to show the country that Republicans really do like "the ladies." However, they've also created some confusion. Since Akin's comments, Republicans have gone out of their way to say how wonderful women are. They are extraordinary human beings capable of far more things than their male counterparts. Yet, if they are so special to the point that, as Ann Romney said, "Women hold the country together," why can't they be trusted to make their own decisions about their bodies? 

Hot Enough For You?

"Hot enough for you?" Americans have used that jovial and ironic greeting for decades. Yet, for the last several years, Left Wing-nuts have been crying "Global Warming" every time the earth sets a few preposterous heat records or a couple of dozen glaciers melt. Keep in mind that those who believe in Global Warming are the same morons who believe in evolution and gravity.

They tell me that the warmest twelve-month periods in the original 48 states since 1895 have all been in the last 17 years. The warmest in 117 years was from July of 2011 to June of this year. The bleeding hearts say this is a bad thing. I see it as an opportunity. The hotter it is, the more swimming pools and air-conditioners are needed. The more that are needed, the more workers are required to build and install them. That's right. Global Warming is a job creator.

Some Lefto pointed out to me that it was hotter in Omaha last week than it was in Tehran. Omaha is a wonderful city in a great state. Those who hate America may want to compare it to the capital of Iran, but I think it's a heck of a lot better place to raise kids.

We are willing to concede that the Arctic is warming up at twice the rate of the rest of the earth, but shouldn't we be celebrating this? After all, the place needs to warm up more than anywhere else. It's freezing there. 

Sadly, temperatures this summer have created an awful drought in America's farmland. The farm is the backbone of America, and some of our greatest Americans were farmers before they got regular jobs. We've figured out something that should please everybody. You know all that ice that is melting and turning into water up in the Arctic? If we just leave Mother Nature alone, that water will keep heading down until it gets where it's needed the most – to those bone dry farms. That's what I call trickle-down in action.

Usually at this point of the argument, somebody brings up the topic of polar bears. Those of us on the Right Side of the issue think polar bears are cute, too. However, they just might have to adapt to changing times. In fact, I think they are doing this already. Here's an example. The Libs say that a female polar bear recently swam nonstop for nine days before finally reaching an ice floe to rest. They see this as a tragedy. I see this as probably the greatest example of polar bear endurance swimming in history. Get out your Guinness Book. 

Some say that we are out of touch with poor people. Of course, they also say that the lack of regulations and the crimes of a few bad apples in finance are responsible for more of our economic problems than greedy teachers and firefighters. Anyway, if poor and elderly people in big cities don't want to get sick or die from the extreme heat, they should use their heads. Get out of the city. All they have to do is hitch their boats to their cars and head to their beach houses.